It is not easy, although it may seem obvious, to forgive someone who has hurt us. Victims of wars, concentration camps, prisons, surviving relatives of innocently murdered or killed individuals, victims of abuse and all kinds of mistreatment could tell their stories. Those unjustly sentenced in communist prisons realized that they could not be angry with their jailers and judges, as that would primarily harm themselves. Hatred would destroy them from within. However, one cannot forgive on behalf of other victims, without the sincere acknowledgment and request for forgiveness from the perpetrator. It is indeed sad if a victim senses the insincerity or calculating nature of the perpetrator's apology.
We pray in the Our Father: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” Not only does God forgive us our sins (one could almost say that He forgets them), but we also must forgive one another. Jesus forgave his executioners while on the cross and prayed for them: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” It can be comforting to know that most people do not intentionally harm others, that is, without the intention to do harm. It is a comfort that we, too, usually harm our neighbors unintentionally, through inappropriate words, ill-timed jokes, comments, thoughtless actions, omissions, or mistakes. People generally do not mean to cause each other harm.
The will may want to forgive, but the pain remains; sometimes it takes months, years, decades, or a lifetime for a person to truly forgive not only with their mind but also with their heart. The Lord Jesus said: “So will my heavenly Father also do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from the heart.” (Mt 18:35). Do not judge, so that you will not be judged. Most often, we do not truly know the deepest motivations for a perpetrator's behavior, their internal mindset, and all circumstances or the immediate situation.
To forgive is divine; God forgives us far more. The parable of the servant, to whom the master forgave billions, but who was unwilling to forgive a hundred denarii, attests to this (Mt 18:32-34). For those who have hurt us, we should sincerely pray, no matter how difficult it is. The salvation of our offender is worth more than our pain or injustice. Even amidst the pain of suffering that has been inflicted upon us, one can also feel sorrow that the perpetrator complicates or even closes off their path to eternal salvation. Sooner or later, before entering heaven, we will all have to forgive each other. Even with those who have hurt us, we may one day be in heaven. After all, we confess in the Creed: “I believe in the forgiveness of sins and the communion of saints.”
Jan Suchánek
